even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
