Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
