so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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