He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
