fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
