I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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