some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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