The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
