You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
