I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
