can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
