He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
