I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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