Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
