I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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