Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
