If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
