You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
