I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
