The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
