Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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