my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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