I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
