And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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