did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize