You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
