That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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