I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
