I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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