DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize