16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
