i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My breasts were aching with rage.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
