Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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