this beer tastes like vomit already
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
