now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
