How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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