do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
