just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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