I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
