My brain says no but my pants say off.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
