I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I love you.
Bad choice
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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