I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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