Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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