All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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