what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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