very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
