"it" just moved
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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