My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
