glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
