Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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