She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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