the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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