They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
