I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
