i love accidental penises.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
