it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
