TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just pee around me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
