The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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