i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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