i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
