The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
