I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
