Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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