Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
