Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
