wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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