I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So vagazzling was a success
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
